


Dance This Mess Around

by Trystero



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Crack, Dancing, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 05:31:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trystero/pseuds/Trystero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short piece from Falloutkinkmeme in response to this prompt:</p><p>After being shot in the head, Courier Six goes around the wasteland fixing all the problems via the power of dance. Too bad the Courier is a hilariously terrible dancer...<br/>Bonus points for:<br/>-Courier/Legion dance off & general confusion over the courier's random and spaztic movements<br/>-Boone (or any other companion) forced into tutu</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dance This Mess Around

“You are all fucking insane,” was Boone’s only comment as he was forcibly fitted into a pink ballet tutu by Lily. She and Sixy were already in theirs.

They were going to perform Swan Lake. 

Because Courier Six, who liked to be known by his breakdancing name, Sixy Legz, had had his most sparkly idea ever. A dance-off against the Legion. The prize would be the Mojave.

“TWIRL, DARLING!” ordered Lily. When Lily says twirl, you best twirl. Boone twirled.  
“Why can’t I have a tutu?” asked Veronica again.  
“The same reason I have to be Mr Pink, and not Mr Black,” muttered Boone.  
“I could have been Mr Pink,” said Arcade, practicing some fancy moves with his umbrella.

Up at the Fort, the Legion were ready. This was going to be cake. They had some of the best dancers in the Mojave, including Loose-Limbed Lucius, Cato Hot Potato, and Brahmin Inculta (which is NOT his breakdancing name and he would like to register his objection to being called).

At noon sharp, the two teams squared off in the Legion’s Arena, to the sound of drums beaten in a steady rhythm.

Sixy Legz and Lily stepped forward, Lily dragging Boone by the wrist behind her.

They performed an extremely abbreviated version of Swan Lake. They’d practiced it at five minutes, but one minute in, Boone contrived to get stepped on by Lily and had to be carried off with a broken foot, out of the dance-off completely. Cheater.

The Legion were dumbfounded by the horribleness of Swan Lake, but went ahead with their opening number nonetheless.

Bugles sounded. “Y.M.L.A!” they all shouted in unison, spelling the letters with their bodies. “ _They have everything for a man to enjoy, you can hang out with all the boys!_ ”

“Hmm...” said Arcade thoughtfully.

“ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!” bellowed Lily, scattering the Legion dancers.  
Lily, Cass and Veronica broke into a three-woman dance that mostly involved wiggling their butts.

Lucius held back his crew, behind him the Legion boys boggling at the robustness of the single ladies’ butt-wiggling.

They weren’t held back for long, however. As soon as Lily ran out of steam the Legion pushed forward again, this time Lucius leading them in a formation dance. Lucius looked like he was vigorously running... but he was staying in one place.

“It’s the freshest move I’ve ever seen. Like he’s floating on air,” breathed Raul in awe.

“Snap out of it! Throw me in!” yelled Veronica. They picked her up and boosted her to cartwheel into the arena, where she chased off Lucius and his boys with a lethally high-kicking, arm-swinging Charleston.

It was devastating, but the Legion had something up their sleeve. They were huddled together, then suddenly all turned at once and Brahmin Inculta flew out of the group, landed and skidded on his knees across the arena.

Where he did the robot.

ED-E was deeply insulted. The flying eyebot started buzzing Inculta like an oversized fly, angrily playing his battle music.

Just as Inculta was discovering himself to be closely surrounded by invisible glass, Arcade somehow penetrated the glass with the point of his umbrella and pushed Inculta back to his side of the arena.

Arcade flicked his umbrella high up into the air, caught it, then spun around the arena tap-tap-tappity-tapping in his tap shoes.  
“I’m singing, in the fallout,” he sang.

Brahmin Inculta looked quite annoyed to have his routine cut short. He came back swinging - or rather, moonwalking. He then struck a series of model-like poses. Yes, Inculta was vogueing.

“Well, he does have the cheekbones for it,” said Veronica, to general agreement.

Cass destroyed Inculta’s poise by doing the hippie shake right up in his face.

Lucius and Cato Hot Potato joined Inculta and together the three men performed a very athletic Russian Cossack dance, with a lot of kicking and backflips.

“Deep knee bends are not good for your joints,” observed Dr Gannon.

Raul came busting out and began to do the limbo. A horrible cracking sound echoed around the arena, and Raul had to be carried off, to join Boone sucking down Med-Xes on the injury bench.

Lily quickly replaced Raul with a rousing and potentially pulverising version of the Mashed Potato.

Sixy Legz was gearing up for his grand finale. Wearing only a tiny, shiny metallic Speedo, he walked into the centre of the arena, hipthrusting so that the contents of his Speedo flopped up and down meserisingly, and chanting, "Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah!!".

Once in the middle he changed to an even weirder dance that had the Legion deeply puzzled. 

“What is he doing?” asked Inculta. Sixy Legz’s feet were tapping, legs widely bowed, and his hands were crossed in front of his waist.  
“He appears to be riding a brahmin,” said Lucius.  
“Heeeeey, sexy lady!” yelled Sixy Legz, half-turning to make whipping movements behind himself.  
“And whipping it.”

Brahmin Inculta’s face darkened ominously.

Oblivious to danger, Sixy Legz walked like an Egyptian over to Inculta, turned around and bent over to suggestively grind his butt on Inculta’s crotch, while making weird faces and sticking out a disturbingly long tongue.

Brahmin Inculta looked outraged. He pulled out his ripper, severed Sixy Legz’s head from his body, and stalked out of the arena. The rest of the Legion crew followed him.

“So... did we win?” asked Veronica hopefully.

**Author's Note:**

> Raul's quote comes from the video for "Something Good" by Utah Saints :)


End file.
